How to Write a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide

1 Gather Your Stories First

Before you open a document, spend 20 minutes just remembering. Call someone else who loved them. Ask: what's the first story that comes to mind when you think of them?

Write down everything — unfiltered. The mundane, the funny, the bittersweet. The way they took their coffee. The argument they always started at Thanksgiving. The song they played too loud.

You won't use all of it. But you need the raw material before you can choose what lands.

2 Choose One Central Theme

A eulogy that tries to cover everything covers nothing. Pick one quality, one theme, one truth about this person that runs through everything.

Examples of strong themes:

• "She made everyone feel seen."
• "He never met a stranger."
• "She found joy in small things most people walked past."
• "He showed up. Every single time."

Once you have your theme, every story and detail you include should connect back to it. This is what makes a eulogy feel like a single, unified tribute instead of a list of memories.

3 Write the Opening (Don't Start with "We are gathered here")

The opening sets the tone for everything. Avoid generic openers. Instead, try:

• A story: "The last time I saw her, she was trying to teach the dog to fetch. The dog was not interested. She was delighted."
• A quote they always said: "Dad had a saying for everything. His favorite was…"
• A sensory detail: "If you knew him, you knew the sound of his laugh — too loud, from too far away, and impossible not to smile at."
• An honest confession: "I've been trying to write this for three days. Every time I start, I realize I could fill a book."

You have about 10 seconds before you lose the room. Make them count.

4 Build the Body (2–3 Stories)

The body of a eulogy is stories, not biography. Pick two or three specific memories that illustrate your theme. Each one should be:

• Specific — real details, real dialogue, real moments
• Short — each story should take 60–90 seconds to tell
• Human — include their flaws and quirks, not just their virtues

The person in your eulogy should be recognizable to everyone in the room. If your stories could describe anyone, they're not specific enough.

5 Write the Closing

End with something that gives people something to carry with them. Options:

• Return to the opening image or story for a circular close
• A direct address to the person who died ("So thank you, Mom, for…")
• A challenge to the room ("She always said… I think she'd want us to…")
• A simple, honest goodbye

You don't need a perfect ending. You need a real one.

“My dad had this thing he did when he picked you up from somewhere late at night. He wouldn't ask what happened. He'd just hand you a granola bar — always slightly crushed, always from his jacket pocket — and start driving. He was saying: I'm here. You're safe. We'll talk when you're ready. He did that for me about forty times over twenty years. I never once told him how much it meant. I'm telling him now.”

“Sarah had this rule: she'd never let a meal end without asking everyone at the table what the best part of their week was. Not the week in general — the best part. She was relentless about it. I used to think it was a bit much. Now I'd give anything to be sitting at her table, rolling my eyes, trying to come up with a good answer.”

“He wasn't perfect — he'd be furious if I pretended otherwise. He burned toast every single morning for 34 years. He was stubborn about directions. He kept every bad movie he'd ever loved on a hard drive and made me watch at least one a month. But the thing about Jim was: he showed up. For me. For our kids. For any friend who called at midnight with a problem. Every single time. I think that's the whole of it, really. He showed up.”